In this episode, you will learn 10 FACTS about Samantha, what age she would like to go back to, and what advice she would give herself at that age! We also talk about the main causes of body image issues, how they come up, and how she overcomes them. And we discuss what aging means to her and to her body.
You can READ the interview transcript HERE
10 Facts About Samantha
(at the time of the project)
1. 50 years old.
2. Sam’s family background is Mauritian.
3. She was born in Australia and grew up in the Outer West suburb of Sydney - Mount Druitt.
4. Sam moved to the Northern Beaches when she got married.
5. She takes advantage of living in such a beautiful area and loves going for walks, swimming gardening and just hanging out with her family.
6. Samantha is married and has two children 12 and 15 years old.
7. Sam loves food more than GYM. Her favourite is seafood, Vietnamese, Malaysian and lots of Oriental food.
8. In the past, Sam worked with the government in investigative type roles.
9. Sam is now studying to be a wedding celebrant. It’s been her long-time dream.
10. If she could go back in time to her any age, Sam would go back to her 25, when she looked her best, but was always stressing about her weight and the way she looked. She would say to that person - Just be happy. Just go. You’re perfect.
INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT
(auto-generated)
Hi, you're listening to the My Body, My Story podcast.
Let go, let go because you're so tight and you're so wound up inside, that every single muscle would be screaming at me saying, please just take a breath.
This is the 45 over 45 chapter where we celebrate Rule Breakers and role models, the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show their sensuality beauty, soul, and true essence. Here we talk about what it's like to be 45 Plus, adjusting to the changes that come with time, and we listened to the stories about participants. If you have an interesting story, we'd love for you to participate. You can email us at info@aleksandrawalker.com That's Aleksandra spelled with a K S. Or visit our website aleksandrawalker.com
Hello, everyone, and welcome to the my body My Story project. And today with us in the studio, Sam, and while she's sitting in the makeup chair and Chitra creating magic, doing a makeup for her. I'll be asking her a few questions. Hello, Sam. Welcome to the studio. Welcome to the project. Hi there and tell us 10 facts about yourself.
Okay. I'm 50 years of age. I have two children. I am married. I live on the northern beaches of Sydney. My family background is Mauritian and I'm studying to be a wedding celebrant.
Oh, wow. Such a beautiful business. And where you were born? in Australia?
I was born in Australia. My family heritage is from Mauritius. Yeah,
nice. So always in the in Sydney?
Always in Sydney. I grew up in the western suburbs of Sydney's out west Mount Druitt it will and later moved to the Northern Beaches when I was married.
And how old are your kid?
my kids are 15 and 12
Wow, still teenagers. So what's your I will come back to your new adventure in the business. And so what's your like? hobbies like what do you like to do? In your free time?
We live in a beautiful area so I love to take advantage of that and go for walks and swimming and just hanging out with my family I guess gardening and yeah,
so that's like all to do with nature. All the activities.
Yeah, lots of natural activities and you know really interested in gyms,
well, you look great.
Thank you very much.
So maybe it's a natural thing like you look really good. I'm surprised that you said you were not interested in gym.
Oh, look, I do I walk but I think and I like food more than the gym.
What's your favourite?
I love seafood. And I love Malaysian food. Lots of Oriental food I Vietnamese. Yes, yeah.
So has your family formed your taste for food or it was a result of your own discoveries ?
Growing up, our food was very curries and lentils. And so I have developed a lot in a different taste palate. As I've gotten older. There was a lot of things I didn't really like to eat when I was younger. So yeah, I think it's developed over time. It's gotten a little bit more mature. And yeah, I love oysters and all everything really? Yeah,
I asked this question because it's always interesting for me. That is our taste depends on the family habits or local area we live in. So and what I learned it's probably starts with family traditions, but then we are influenced a lot by the society and friends around and going out to the local restaurants and it's changes or just
Yeah, absolutely. As I said before growing up, it was rice and very traditional Mauritian food. So during a period of my life, probably in my late teens, I developed a very plain palette. So I just like steak and three veg, yeah, which was various, you know, Caucasian Australian way of eating. So and I ate like that for a long time. And I think it was to balance what I ate as a child. And now in our in our area, I mean that we've got we're such a multi multicultural society, I guess. We have so much at our doorstep. Yeah. And so you know, getting older you have the opportunity to explore different cuisines and tastes and yeah, and that's happened definitely over time.
So um, how did you come to you new business adventure. So while you decided to be a wedding, what you said wedding celebrant?
It's been a dream. Actually, I've always wanted to be a wedding celebrant. But I am in my past, I worked with the government in investigative type roles. I know. And I look, I loved my work. When I did it, it was very, who I was. And, but this side of me, the creative side of me was never really explored. So becoming a wedding celebrant is almost like flourishing, like the flower opening, I guess, for me, as kids have grown, you know, grown up there in high school, it's time for me to take back. And this is probably the first step of taking back. And being kind to myself, I guess I can look at it that way. I can see myself having fun with it. And just, you know, bringing people together in love is just something that's very special to me.
I didn't know that you actually have to study for that.
look, it's it there's a lot more involved is very legal, which is what my background is. So there are lots of laws around getting married in Australia. So that's where most of the study comes is a lot of paperwork, that if you get it wrong, it's can be very bad.
So it's not just about the ceremony itself. It's a lot of preparation, and knowing the law
yep, most of the work is actually done at home
behind the scenes.
Behind the Scenes Exactly. But being a civil celebrant, is it allows you to in capture other people's cultures, so you can suggest to them if they're from a different type a different background, you know, is there something that you would like to bring in a ritual that you would like to bring into your ceremony that, you know, in Capture encapsulates your who you are as a person? Yeah. And how you've grown and where you've grown? So yeah, excellent. I'm very excited about starting my business.
So you mentioned that, like, kids are at school, now you have more time for yourself. And if we move to the ageing subject of our podcast, yeah, what does it mean to you?
Um, I mean, ageing has, I feel like I've, at times I've embraced it really well. At times, I haven't been able to think about it. And I turned 50 in October last year, and it felt exciting at the time, but afterwards, your mind plays tricks, your mouth, your mouth, your mind kind of plays tricks on you a little bit in it. I don't know as much as I'd like. I've tried to make it a positive thing it's ageing is, is not easy when you're seeing people around you age as well. So as a woman, I guess I've lost a lot of hair in ageing. And you know, I my skin is marked because of hormones. So there's a lot of an internally I guess. It's triggered some bad memories from my past. So hormonally ageing is not great for a woman. It just plays with you everything. You know, everything about you is turned upside down. And you have to slowly try to rebuild the blocks. And it's not easy, it's hard. But I'm trying. I'm trying hard to take it in my stride and no Heartbeat, forget the marks and forget the, you know all that stuff and just try to take steps forward every day and feel grateful for what I have.
So what if you could go back in time and go to any age? What it would be? And why? And what advice would you give yourself?
Oh my goodness, it would definitely be between 25 and two in a row, the way I feel and the way I look about myself a personal image type sense, definitely between 25 and 27. I was at my fittest in life, I had the body that I would have always wanted. But back then, of course, I didn't think I had that body. I was still always stressing about my weight, always stressing about the way I looked. But now you, as you said, going back and looking and you think, Oh my gosh. Goodness me, you're wearing a bikini? You know? How could you have been so judgmental of yourself, you know? And I guess that's what, what I would say to that person is just be happy. Just go. You know, you're perfect. You're perfect. Just go out and have fun. Enjoy your life. Start the family that you want to start. But don't be so hard on yourself. I mean, it's really hard to put those inhibitions aside. But if there's one thing I could do, it would be to counsel that person to a point where they were they felt that way, you know, and I know I say to my daughter now he's 15. Sweetheart, you're divine, you're beautiful. Love that face that you see in the mirror? Because we have to live with that, right? We've Yeah, so that I guess that they're the types of things that I would be saying to that person.
You just said that we realise it later in time. It's instead of just really enjoying and you know, this age and the shape we have and appreciate that. The human nature, we appreciate something we lose. Yeah, but I think younger generation now is much better, hey at least they're trying to be more.
Yes, less judgmental. And I think there is more of a lobbying for each other as women and education to teach each other, that we need to be good to each other. And I know my daughter, I know my daughter is she says all that but I'm sticking out here. And I say sweetheart, that they're called hips. You, they're part of your body, and they're gorgeous. And you know, and you think back to yourself and you think was gorgeous. But even now I'm not doing I really do need to we need to give ourselves a break. Because it's really not that bad. We it's really, I don't know, I just wish we could just enjoy who we are. Without that. Looking at the photos and going oh, but what about that? And what about that? And
yeah, and would we never know what she feels? And probably she also feels insecurity? Your own way
Yeah, absolutely. So it's just talking to them and learning from the past, learning to do things that we couldn't do, I guess, talking out loud, so encouraging people to talk out loud about how they're feeling about themselves. Instead of holding it inside and know my daughter, she had an incident where she cut herself when she was in year six.
I think is the more important thing is to concentrate on your health. Yeah. And feeling healthy, and then it's automatically will get your body which is flexible and movable, you know, which will look good. And of course, it's never gonna be perfect, but I know now with age when you start feeling not well, more often than before, that's it's very important to have good health.
Yeah, absolutely.
Because that's what personally for me brings depression when I don't feel well.
Yeah, absolutely. I think half of us. You know, I speak to so many women in this age bracket. And depression is such a common word. It's such a word. It's a word that's used every day. And it's real. That's the big thing about this stage of life for me is having conversations with other women that are, they feel exactly the same way. And the differences is that we talk about it now, I guess. But having those days where you just don't want it, you don't want to be, you know, you just want to leave the life that you have. You want to walk away from it. As much as you love your family and your love. You just can't communicate or you can't. I get It's this. It's very, it's very sad what we go through.
And even, you know, unfortunately, only women who went through that can understand that that's a good idea having conversation with women with a similar I wouldn't say problems, but more like stages of life. Because the if thinking, me 10 years ago, if somebody would tell me, I will feel how I feel now, I would never believe and I say, oh, it's bullshit. It's like, Just get yourself together and adjust. But now I understand it's real. When hormones heat, and you can do nothing, you know, with your depression, with bad mood, getting back, remembering how good your body was, you know, you start you try talking to younger women. And they don't understand, you
No you know, I had this discussion with my husband.
Oh, and this is another category.
Men understanding women, and, you know, I think he's just had to, because at times, I'm just like, a completely different person. I don't even know myself. And when I come out of it, I, I just think was that, but we've talked about
Bipolar
Exactly, like bipolar. That's how it feels. And can we were talking about it, and what we were saying to each other. When we were 10 years ago, at least 10 years ago, we were saying exactly that. We were saying, oh my goodness, these people just need to toughen up, you know, these people who were committing suicide, I had such an uncaring view of what it was, you know, come on. What do you mean? Like, how could you take your life? Or how could you feel like that? And now, I know, there are times that you sit there and you know exactly why they did it, why they did it and how they're feeling inside, you know, the, the turmoil of living each day, some weeks is, it's so it's terrible. Yeah, it's hard to think the next taking the next step. Sometimes
you just need to leave through that before thinking about the future.
Absolutely. Absolutely.
So we, we kind of touched on that already. But I want just to go a bit more details you with question? First, I will ask another question that if you body could talk, what do you think it would ask you or tell you at this age
if my body could talk, it would be saying, Let go, let go, let go because you're so tight, and you're so wound up inside, that every single muscle would be screaming at me saying, please just take a breath and look in the mirror. Be okay with that person? Relax, relax, relax, because that's rare. It's a rare thing.
So then my next question is, what do you think, the main causes for our image issues or body insecurities? So why we are so tense and so tough on ourselves?
Look, I think, I mean, it feels like this is going to be a very generic response. But I mean, the truth is, I do think that what we see every day, I think men, I mean, I don't mean to be prejudiced against men, but men tend to place women in baskets. And so we see what they like. The media adds to that. They put on who rules the media were exactly who were the big bosses, when you look at the big bosses in the world who the top, however five, I think a man or for a man. So and I, you know, like I said, You hate to put me in as well in a basket, but it's the reality of it when you think about what governs the magazines and what goes in the magazines and the television and social media. And it's, it's no wonder that women grow up with all these insecurities. Because I mean, it's fine to say, Oh, you've got to kind of work your mind out of that. But when it's in front of you, 24/7 it's what dominates, it's naturally what's going to going to dominate who you are and how you think of yourself. And you know, it's getting younger and younger girls are feeling like they need to look a certain way. You know, by a certain age, it's yeah, it's very scary. It's very scary.
I agree with you, because I'm just I was always thinking, what if women? Of course, I don't want it happens. But what if women stay? Let's say, without men leave among themselves without men? Would they do all this plastic surgeries? Would they feel insecure about their bodies? I don't think so. And I think it's to do with instincts, like, because we're, I don't want to say that we're animals. But we do have instinct.
Absolutely.
And the instinct of every female and it's just to show me to, to make the male choose her. Yeah. And in the competitive world, it's it comes to surgeries, it comes to trying to look in a certain way, dress a certain way. And because that's the we, we think that men will choose us for that.
Absolutely.
And I think if you take away that, take away that thing that we're all competing for. And put us in a basket where we just have to exist. Yeah, our natural instincts are to nurture, yep. To care, care, to live happily, to create families that are loving and kind. So I do think that that additive it that's what's missing. That's what messes with women very much. So I'm a you hate to say it again. But it's the reality if you're looking honestly. I think in there was no kind of, you know, we're walking around or naked. And do you know what I mean? Yeah. That, that we'd be happy to just get good food collect good food for to survive. And just to exist.
Yeah, I enjoy and enjoy life
and enjoy life. But all examples are many examples I'll say of women who are. So become bitchy in work situations. And it's always because they're competing with men, or other women who are competing with men. The common denominator is usually a man, you know. And, yeah, I just Yeah.
So we just, lead it to a very basic instinct
Absolutely. Let's get down to look. And you know, to be fair, there are men who have worked that out that women are, I mean, the reason why men are met the way they are, is because they know what women are capable of. So from a very early stage in humanity, they've tried to push down women, because they've seen with their own eyes, what we're capable of. So it's, in my opinion, it's very natural for them to want to beat down, pushes down pushes down because they're scared of us. They're scared of what we can achieve, as, you know, a community of people.
And I think it's also if we're talking about instincts different hormones rule, men and women. Yeah, so they are achievers. They are aggressive. Power testosterone. We want what is the hormone? dopamine? I'm not really good with the hormones
the happy women woman home hormone. Yeah, it's that what is what really develops when you're pregnant? Its that happy hormone that's making you
feel good and look good.
close your eyes.. while we're talking Citra is trying to do makeup (laughing)
Yes, I look good. So when we're pregnant the best time that we look. Yeah, we look so good. My hair was long and lashes
Or when we are in love. This is the second time
Yeah, it's true.
We look good. Only twice. Pregnant and love.
So and that that's the explanation of a woman isn't it?
And when men is comfortable he gets fat and relaxed. So he needs to be all the time competitive to look good. To grow his muscles.
Oh, my goodness, it's a disaster really
If men listen to us. They’d probably say - oh my god..
I know, what are they talking about?
Okay,so But it's interesting. Then the next question like how do you think negative body image affects relationships? Like, because it's also to do with, but I actually mean not only men-woman relationship, but like any relationship work wise, or?
Yeah, I think I think it, it affects every part of a person but a woman bad body image because, you know, it's fair to say and I know that I've been through stages of my life where I've been overly paranoid. It does, it makes you look, because it makes you insecure. It can make you insecure. It adds towards the way you think other people are looking at you. And you can become quiet. Suspicious, paranoid, unreasonable, really at times when, you know, we've all been suffered to that person who makes you know, a comment that you they think is a positive comment. But you're saying to yourself, well, what are you saying? Is my lipstick too bright? Or? What are you saying those jeans are tight? Does it mean I'm too fat for those jeans? You know, we've all done that. Right? We're all guilty to that. And I think that's exactly bad body image. It's not It's no good for any part of your life really. In any type of relationships with your parents, with your siblings, with, with friends at work ever because of the competition? You know, everyone's going off to the gym at lunchtime and trying to go faster on the treadmill. pushing their buttons faster. But no, yeah, I look at it body image really affects, in my opinion, a lot of how we react and behave in life socially, at home, or, you know, everywhere really. So,
I don't know, I call it like, you know, there's this expression wearing your heart on the sleeve. Yes. And so in that case, I call it wearing your trauma on your sleeve. Because when we I just recently had a conversation with a person I know saying, like, within the conversation that she looked like someone else meaning like she because I know this woman is beautiful and meant that in my head, I've given her a compliment. And then she reacted in a strange way say Oh, so you say I will not find my partner because this woman is single and that's completely not what I meant. And I know how my reaction was I was like, Ooh, girl you wearing your trauma on your sleeve? You know like you're showing everyone your weak point. Yeah,
that was exactly that was exactly her perception of herself. Yeah. And it's really but that just makes it so hard to maintain good relationships okay,
because you don't want to then because you you afraid to what you call it to hurt this person one more time or to hear negative feedback. You think I'll better keep quiet so and then where is no conversation? The No relation? You know, as I say, no conversation No relation.
Yeah, exactly. In my in my mid 20s to early 20s. I was I was I was horrid. I was so insecure. And I was the worst. Honestly, I don't even know the the guys that I went out with. I actually think back now, and I feel sorry for them. Because I was so I was a horrid. I was so jealous. I had the what are they the green eyed monster, that's how I was, I would get so jealous of anything and other women. You know, Friends, it was just ridiculous. And I remember one day saying to myself, Sam, this has got to stop because you're just going to explode, implode, you know, you can't this. So I had to go and get help because of, and that was as a result of, you know, trauma in childhood, which developed into how I felt about myself, and then developed and developed. So I got to look 2423. And I said, You've got to, you've got to go and deal with this problem. Because you're going to this is going to no one else is going to be affected, you're not going to have relationships with anyone, because you are impossible to be with. So I went and got the help. Which if I didn't have that epiphany, who knows where I would be today, you know, but that was a really, I could feel I was becoming out of control. So I had to deal with it.
Yeah, it's good that you did. So how do you overcome your body related insecurities when they come up, and has a change with age those methods.
So when it was before dealing with it, so when I was going through that green eyed monster stage, I was not dealing with it, I was just Well, glad to go letting it go. But I just ate less. And I, you know, I got to a point where, you know, it was a bit silly, I was a bit too thin. And, you know, jogging and unhealthily dealing with it. And then I started to get the counselling, and I was dealing with the inside. So that led to healthier reactions or behaviours on the outside. So I would eat better, and I would exercise reasonably moderate not going crazy, you know? And yes, it's different as you get older, I think because after you have children and you're married, and you start to care less about what your house yes, I that. But I do care. But it's different. It's more, I care about myself and everything is so much more moderate these days. Again, I try to eat well. I don't always sometimes I drink too much, you know, but that's life gym, but you don't think yourself? Oh, I don't look, there are times where I go off family. You know, you're 50 you probably shouldn't be partying like you're 25. But it's less intense as you get older. I think and I'm definitely I'm doing a circle. I'm almost back to a point where I'm kind of just feeling what's the word? Secure content. And, you know, I've just recently lost a little bit of way, but just through kind of feeling good myself buying good food. You know? Yeah, just healthy habits.
being soft on yourself softer
Being caring, I think hearing about me. And yeah, it's working, I think. Yeah, your sounds like it. Yeah, yeah, it's good. Life's good leaves. You know, we all it has its challenges, but you know, definitely I feel like getting older isn't, is not worse.
Yeah. Yeah. If you can manage yourself better.
Definitely. Yeah.
So my last question is, do you have any favourite quotes or saying about being a woman? Or maybe your thoughts your own thoughts?
Look, I think being a woman definitely takes the innocence Spirit, to listen to the outer spirit and to come to an agreement to be okay with each other, to come to an agreement to love to care to be kind. And to be constantly thinking of that when were with other women.
Nicely said this will be a new quote
will be I don't have to write that one day
you will get into with your podcast episodes.
Lovely.
So thank you very much for sharing your story. It was very interesting conversation. I hope you will enjoy the rest of your day in your photo shoot.
Thank you. Thank you so so much. And thank you for this wonderful day. I really appreciate it. Thank you Okay.
If you have an interesting story, we'd love for you to participate. You can email us at info@aleksandrawalker.com That's Aleksandra spelled with a K S. Or visit our website aleksandrawalker.com
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