Episode 63 – Lucinda | My Body. My Story PODCAST| 45 Over 45 chapter
Updated: Nov 4, 2022
LISTEN TO THE EPISODE:
In this episode, you will learn 10 FACTS about Lucinda and what she thinks about perfect body image, positive changes and challenges of 45+ women, what is it for her to feel good and look beautiful, and what advice she would give younger women and 30-year-old self!
You can READ the interview transcript HERE
10 Facts About Lucinda
(at the time of the project)
1. 52 years old.
2. Lucinda has been a single mom of two amazing teenage daughters
3. She works in Corrective Services New South Wales, with offenders in the community. She manages teams that supervise offenders in the community.
4. Lucinda is born in Waga Waga.
5. She lived in Melbourne for around five or six years
6. Lucinda met her ex-husband who was a Wagga man while she was living in Melbourne. And he convinced her to move back.
7. Lucinda has a brother who lives in Ballarat now.
8. Lucinda lives her personal life by – “We rise by lifting others”.
9. The biggest challenge at this age – “Choices. The children are finding their own way in the world, all of a sudden, the world has opened up choices for me. So my biggest challenge right now is deciding what path do I want to take? Who am I? I'm rediscovering myself. So yes, the choice is a challenge”
10. Positive change with age – “I think there's a new calmness about me I'm in a really good place.”
Watch Lucinda’s VIDEO interview HERE
INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT
(auto-generated)
Hi, you're listening to My Body My Story podcast.
My biggest advice to a younger woman I went once would have been let that go. Dare to be different, be brave, have the courage, try it if it fails and move on, kicks them off. And just enjoy that journey.
This is the 45 or 45 chapter where we celebrate rule breakers and role models, the women who inspire us to live life our way and to show that sensuality, beauty, soul and true essence. Here we talk about what it's like to be 45 Plus, adjusting to the changes that come with time, and will listen to the stories of our participants. If you have an interesting story to share, we would love you to participate, you can email us on info@aleksandrawalker.com or visit our website, www. aleksandrawalker.com
Hi, everyone, and welcome to my body My Story project. And today with us in the studio, Lucinda, Lucinda. Hello. And while she's sitting in the makeup chair and Nicole is doing makeup for her. I'll be asking her a few questions. Welcome to the project. Welcome to the studio, Lucinda and tell us a bit about yourself.
Thank you. What would you like to know?
Everything! 10 facts about you.
I'm a little quirky. bit flirty. believe very much in the sisterhood and lifting each other. I have been I'm 52 years of age, I've been a single mom, I have two amazing teenage daughters raised and you know one of the greatest achievements, I think, my children, I have an interesting career. I work in Corrective Services New South Wales, so I actually work in the community, with offenders in the community. And that's a job I'm very passionate about. I believe very much in what we do, helping people to make healthier choices in their life, to change their lives, to improve the family's position to make the community a safer place. So I'm very passionate about my career.
So you already jumped into my second question. But let's talk about that. It's very interesting. So do you want to tell us a bit more about this job you're doing?
Yes. So in Corrective Services, I work within a community context. So I don't work within the custodial system, I work with people who have been released from custody or prior, you know, early intervention. So we supervise I manage teams that manage or supervise offenders in the community. And I have this amazing job where I work remotely. So I work with people that may be working throughout New South Wales, in the communities working with offenders. So I see my role is very much a leadership role. I support those people because it's very at times stressful can be very stressful and demanding job, and it's also can be very sad. So my role is very much about supporting my team, my people and being a leader amongst them, you know, role modelling, you know, the culture, the values that we have integrity and accountability and service. So, yeah, that's fundamentally what I do.
So, how, how did you come up with this?
04:20
Isn't it interesting career, a lot of my life is just I stumbled upon this. I don't think it's ever a career. I've never heard of anyone saying I want to be a parole officer. When I grow up one day and want to be a parole officer, in fact, when I applied for the job, my friend said, listen to you won't be able to wear sparkles. You know, it's just ridiculous. You This is not your kind of career. But in fact, I love it. It matches. I've worked in education. I've worked in regional development. I've had a variety of life. I've worked in executive recruitment. This job is the one I love the most because I'm actually making a difference. It's in people's lives. And yes, as I said, I'm helping people to make healthier choices that will benefit their family, the next generation. And yeah, keep our communities safe. So it's very rewarding. And it's very humbling, I think I've had quite a privileged life and my social network are quite privileged people too. So when I work with offenders, it's kept me humble. It's made me appreciate that we are very lucky. And some people aren't as lucky as what we do you work with men and women, men and women, but predominantly men. But yes, we work with both men and women. It's particularly difficult working sometimes with women, because there's a lot of guilt around how they may have failed their families a lot more, I think. Yeah. So you know, everyone has a different life journey, and they have an opportunity to make change. And that's fundamentally what we do. We challenge mindset. We work on we apply techniques, cognitive behavioural therapy, to challenge our reframe our thinking, and I love that environment. I love working in that space. Yeah, so it's quite a craft that is developed over many years. And I train and, and support others to develop that craft.
It's interesting, because I was going to ask that if it takes a lot of therapy, or like techniques, as you said, the cognitive psychology techniques.
it's a new way of thinking, because I think the justice system historically has we have we believe in compliance, we come from a culture of compliance. You come from a culture of reparation, whereas this new way of thinking is about intervention, it's about changing, helping someone to change in a positive supporting them walking alongside people, rather than mandating them. Because the most empowering thing is, as you know, is when that change comes from within. And, and that's what we work with. We work with behaviour.
So where were you born? born in Australia?
Yes. Born in Wagga Wagga, in the Riverina. Yes, I lived there and I then moved - went overseas, then moved to a country setting in Victoria. And then I was promoted in the recruitment sector in to Melbourne. So I lived in Melbourne for around five or six years. And funnily enough, I met my ex husband who was a Wagga man while I was living in, in Melbourne. And he convinced me to move back so I had never intended on going back to Wagga. But it has been a good lifestyle for my children. So we've shared the care of the children. So that's what kept me in Wagga. But I'm anxious to explore a little more now that the children are growing up so it was much it's been very good for me. It's a good country lifestyle.
And all your family is also there?
Yes, my mum and dad there. My brother is in Ballarat, so he was also in Melbourne. And he's settled down in Ballarat, so yeah, predominantly, mom and dad
so it's just you and your brother. Interesting.
So let's talk about age and our changes that come with age and what do you think is the biggest positive change you're experiencing at this age?
It's such a good question. Alexandra, I think there's a new calmness about me I'm in a really good place. And I think that comes with age only because there's two fundamental differences. I think as you age as a woman, one is wisdom. And that comes with life experience that would be expected you know you have your ups and downs. and life teaches us some lessons along the way. But importantly, what comes with that is acceptance. There's this calmness in you that there are some things that we have the power to change, and some things that are outside of our immediate control. And it's that acceptance. That's that inner growth, that allows you to take a new perspective on life. That's, you know, and understand what's important and what you can let go, you know, you can let go of so much anxiety that you suffered as a young woman, you know, the pressure you put on yourself to be the perfect mom or the perfect partner, the ambitious young woman, where am I going, where's my life direction, you can just let yourself find some inner peace. And I think that's where I'm at, you know, at this point in my life is the acceptance is there. I have that calmness and inner peace around some of that stuff. You can let it go. It's so sad that we reach this piece. Some of this 25 years. If we understood that 25 years ago,
yeah. So yeah, I'll jump to this question. While we started already mentioning that. So I'll jump to this question. My favourite one. So if you could meet your 30 year old self, what advice would you give her?
When you asked me that question, I think about my young, of my girls to about where they are in life. I think what I would say is - have the courage, back yourself. Because our greatest inhibitor of growth is actually ourselves. We limit our own potential. Because of that self doubt, that inner voice. So my my biggest advice to the younger woman, I was once would have been would have been, let that go. Dare to be different. Be brave, have the courage. Try it. If it fails, move on, kick them off. And just enjoy that journey. Because I think we do limit ourselves as young women said, Yeah, that would be my advice to yourself to myself, and also to other women. Yeah, believe in yourself back yourself. And you are capable, you will, you will be capable of greater things with that inner belief in yourself. We are so sometimes frightened of failure or letting people down. And that's what generates the anxiety. So what you then end up projecting your self doubt. And that feeds to the universe. So if your inner strength projects that aura allows you to succeed.
Yeah, I agree with you. So. And going back to changes with age, what is your biggest challenge at the moment, connected with age
choices. All of a sudden, you know, my, the last 18 years of my life, I've been committed to raising two children, my as a single mother, my entire energy and focus has been predominantly on being a breadwinner, and raising two children on my own. So now that the you know, the children are finding their own way in the world, all of a sudden, the world has opened up choices for me. So my biggest challenge right now is deciding what path do I want to take? You know, who am I? I'm rediscovering myself. So yes, choice is a challenge.
I like how you put this into… Like, I have the same problem. But I look at that problem from the darker point of view. I'll explain and I like how you turn it, flip it into the light side like choices. For me it was first when my son grew up thinking okay, what am I now and, you know, who am I now and what I'm gonna do, you know, like, I lost my identity as mother.
Absolutely.
And now you say like, Oh, if you look at the situation that Yeah, but you have choices in front of you. And you can choose.
That's just right. It's exciting. But it's also challenging. Yeah, because it really requires you to have another you know, to do more self reflection. And ask yourself well, in this, in this next phase of my life, what do I want to I want to achieve? What do I want to experience? Who do I want to share time with? And we talked about that earlier. You know, where do I give my energy now? So you're redefining yourself?
Yeah, I like this word redefining Exactly. And you can look at this as a positive thing or bebe sad that you lost your identity or just look at this positive, that
it's a positive challenge.
Yeah, exactly. So you told me already about your accomplishments, you said that your kids and being mother is your big accomplishment? Do you have any other accomplishments you want to mention? Like, what that is, I understand that the greatest one is being a mom of your girls.
Number one, my greatest privilege. And hopefully, the legacy I leave is imprinted on those on those girls that are the next generation. I mean, I grew up in an era where we talked the talk, but women weren't really equals, in our communities, you know, in our society, and still, we still have, we still have challenges. But I feel this next generation, they will, they will bring unity and equality, it's a really exciting place to be right now. And so to leave that legacy, for my girls, to have that inner strength to find their voice, but also have humility, in that process is, is very important. So my lifelong legacy is, and I live this in my professional life, and I live this in my personal life is we rise by lifting others. And hopefully, that's the philosophy, that's my life legacy.
I love this philosophy. And it's so rewarding, you know, like, when you see that you help someone to rise up or to recover, or just to move, step up, forward, whatever. So it's, but it takes I think, it takes a lot of courage to, sometimes to appreciate that. Because, like, let's say, if you are a teacher, and you have a student, sometimes student will, will be better in something, or, and it's just your decision, either you're gonna be jealous about that, or you're gonna be proud about that.
Exactly. So I support young women in the workplace, I suppose, support the young women in my little life as well, my little women. And so yes, hopefully, some might call it. I don't consider myself a feminist, my daughter is a very strong feminist. And she said, I have that from you, you've, this is from you. And I thought, oh, my gosh, you're so headstrong, I wish but and again, I probably wish at her age, I had that confidence. And to call it you know, if it's unfair, call ahead and speak, find that inner voice and speak up. And, you know, we're only just starting, it's a really exciting time, we're only just starting to see some really fundamental cultural change around, and it's not just about women's rights, it's about our position in society and how we are perceived and how we are valued, we are actually valuing ourselves more. And I hope that that's something I've imparted on both my peers, you know, my, my staff, you know, and in my personal life,
if we talk about confidence, like you said, your daughter is, knowing that your age is more confident than you were at her age. And I think it's also same about the body image theme. So I remember like, when we were young, it was very much about perfect.
L number 10. You know, this whole, you know, your sense of an even it's, I think it's still a problem to Today, probably even more so in some respects because of social media, but it's, you know, young women feeling that their sense of assessing their self worth, based on how sexy they are, is really concerning, you know, how many likes you receive, or? Yeah, it's, we've become very heavily sexualized. And there's so there's too much emphasis for young women to live up to some ideal that is just unrealistic. And I think that adds to their anxiety. So we need to ensure that as leaders, we're imparting that a message, a very clear message to yourself worth is not based on what you look like, yourself worth is what you contribute to your community, your family, you are so much more than then boobs and pout. Do you like that? We are so much more than boobs and pout.
We are, definitely! I've it's interesting that you said that now and I just had this aha moment. Because I've been talking to more than 60 Women by now. And I never had that in my head this and then suddenly, just I realised that when we were young, it was to do with a perfect body image, the way you look. The size, you know, the you know, like about the body size and shape. But now it's.. because now we will say like, oh, the women are more confident. They're more feminine feminist everything, but still they have problem but now the accent shifted not to the body shape or colour or something like that. But sexuality. You right? Like, are you? Everyone is trying to highly sexualized. Exactly. Yeah. Now it's not about the shape, but about
how sexy am I? and what's the definition of sexy? Yeah, is our definition of sexy, superficial? Absolutely. Because social media is superficial. Sexiness is, you know, your intellect. It's what you contribute to the relationship. It's your it's your sisterhood, it's your friendships, your family connections, you know, those, you know, we talked about aura, these are the elements that make you an attractive individual, not a sexy, individual and attractive individual. You want people like that. But I think there's too much pressure on young women to be sexy. And that is too superficial. I think it's a shame. Because they have so much more to offer.
Yeah, it's like, again, coming back to the Stone Age like the woman needs just for sex, you know, like,
that's right. And yeah, she's in the workforce. And she's, you know, paving her own way, but she still feels this fundamental pressure to perform in a certain or behave in a certain sense around what society is drilling into her is sexy, or appealing.
Exactly. And I think the common thing between like, our days, and nowadays, like, body shape standards and sexy standards, it's all to do with visual perception. So I think that, again, it's a very psychological thing, the visual perception, and men, they first of all, judge visual first of all, like women also. And it's like a psychological mechanism to shortcut not to think not to spend too much time to get to know person and then give your opinion about that. And it just judged by a look, you know, that's right. Do I want to continue to get to know this person or not …like, Okay, I don't like the look. Okay, bye. Bye. So it's all to do with very superficial. Yeah. So it's interesting, like the it's the same basis that the visual, visual thing,
and you're right, I hope that you know, the women I've connected with over the years and I have amazing long term friendships, you know, with my girls are all over Australia of my girlfriends. And they are women that have the same philosophy about lifting one another and you know, actually being supportive that, you know, we've found connection in that. Women can be sometimes very critical of one another
most of the time, but it's just, it's a scale not to let your like yourself, you know, go deep into that rabbit hole, like, become too critical. Because that's the way I think it's like a compensation of your own insecurities. So in the woman who is confident
you project confidence, you become like a magnet, because other people will warm to that aura, that inner confidence, that's what you feed into yourself. That's what you project to the world. And I think that becomes an attractive to other women, just people in general, other women, other men, relationships in general. So it is important to have confidence within yourself. But also be supportive and trying not to be judgmental of other people.
So we spoke about perfect body image and but what does it
I have struggled to over the years, I've been a lot bigger woman and I lost a lot of weight. And so I have had the same struggle, as you know, a lot of women all that identify with what I'm saying. Assessing my self worth and my confidence and limiting myself because I was so insecure about my weight.
Yeah, weight is the biggest the biggest issue with every woman, I think, like unless you have a really good metabolism, or you're just genetically slim
gifted. Yeah, that's right. And I've always been very healthy. And instead of loving my body, I loathe my I have struggled and it has fed into my anxiety. It's probably I've probably had bouts of depression around the whole body image. thing. It's been limiting, you know. So what it did was I just focused on being a mum, more work and energy into that and less energy into myself. So actually, losing weight and becoming healthier now is more important. Then how I look, you know, it's how I feel that's more important. I can relate to how women feel around weight.
once you start feeling the health issues with the age, you immediately switch to the importance of health. And I agree for me at the moment, I always been thinking about weight. And at some point, I thought, Oh, I'm overweight. And now I look at my pictures where I thought I was overweight and how I was ideal weight, it was an ideal body. And now I have exactly the same
body and it's still a beautiful body. Yeah. So true.
What does it mean to you feel good and look good? What comes first?
I don't know if one comes before the other, I think they can come hand in hand. Because as I said, if you feel good within yourself, you will give an energy that brings positive things into your life. But if you don't feel good about yourself that energy, you miss the opportunities that you miss synergy, you know, and that feeds in then to your negative self talk, it becomes a cycle. So I think they come hand in hand. What makes you feel beautiful, I think we talked about it forgiveness of ourselves. So acceptance and forgiveness that we are beautifully imperfect. And unfortunately, if I'd known that 25 years ago, you know, I could have been happier 25 years ago, you know, I spent less time dwelling on things that weren't really important in the scheme of life. So yeah, I think they come hand in hand.
Excellent. And you answer the question What makes you feel most beautiful? You said the way you feel about yourself?
Big earrings. Everyone that knows me I have I love a flamboyant be Oh, he comes listen to what are your ins? Is she wearing bling big earrings, you know? Good wine, your daily cappuccino intake you know just the small things. You know that put a smile on your face? What things? Oh, I think that's so personal the question, I find it hard to answer that one. I think today will help me feel beautiful. Because I'm so excited about putting outfits on and dressing up and having some being playful. That's probably the other thing. As women, we forget how to have fun and play with our inner child. Because we're so responsible. We have responsibility for children we have responsibility in in the workplace in the home, so don't forget to be playful and have fun. That makes you beautiful, too.
It's a good one. And my last question, do you have any favourite saying about a woman?
” Here’s to strong women, may we know them, may we be them, may we raise them”. That's my number one favourite. The other one is – “You educate a man. You educate a man. You educate a woman you educate a generation”.
I have goosebumps.
And that's what I was talking about my legacy for my girls. They will change the world.
Wow, what a great wrap up for the interview. Thank you Lucinda, thank you very much for joining the project for this interesting interview and sharing your thoughts. I hope you will enjoy today and you will feel yourself.
We'll have fun
Girls just wanna have fun
If you have an interesting story to share would love for you to participate. You can email us on info@aleksandrawalker.com or visit our website, www. aleksandrawalker.com
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